taken from kyums blog…had to reblog it as my first post in 2012…i was going to write about surgery, but maybe later.

i ordered proactiv the other night.  yes proactiv, the world’s number 1 skin care regimen.  you might be saying… “ew kyum… what are you in highschool or something?!?”

no, i am not in highschool and let me tell you a little story about proactiv… which brings me back to my adolescent days when all my hormones seemed to just party on the surface of my face.  sigh.

i know i still have some issues with my face but if you could imagine… it was probably 100 times worse.  my face was like a strawberry… actually… replace the strawberry seeds with watermelon seeds.  gross.  there were two things i wanted most back then.

1.  get better at english and fit in with the white kids
2.  get a new face

then i saw proactiv infomercials on tv.  i wanted that shit so bad.  but this is when we were illegal aliens.  no social security number… so no bank account… so no credit card… so no proactiv.  only if i had a new face… kids would talk to me more and i would learn english faster and i would fit in!  two birds with one stone and that stone was proactiv.  anyways… i couldn’t get it so i just kept on with the next best thing… popping everything single one of them muhfuckas out of ma faaaace!!  even if i felt like i felt something that felt like a pimple… i just squeeze the shit out of it just to make sure.  ugh.  idiot.

anyways… i randomly stumbled on to a proactiv ad the other night and all the memories just punched me in the face… now that i have my own bank account a credit card, i just bought that junk in a heartbeat.  the deluxe set.  comes with daily oil control AND oil free spf15 moisturizer IN ADDITION to the 3 step regimen.  fuck you illegal alien days. 

funny thing is… i’ve actually bought proactiv before under very similar circumstances.  my face got uber itchy and it burned like hell on my face.  so this was purely a statement purchase.  bad skin is my cross to bear… i’ve accepted it.  BUT i feel my skin softening up a little bit knowing that i could buy the deluxe set whenever the fuck i want.  =]

*cue Niggas in Paris - JayZ, Kanye West

bathroom story. i swear i have normal stories. i just save the emo things for my other blog.

anyways! there are 2 urinals in the bathroom. there is a big jacked guy that i dont know in one of them so i start peeing in the other.

about midway, he lays out giant fart. i am stunned..but ignore it because thats what you do in a public bathroom.

then he turns to me and says “sorry”.

i’m not really sure how to respond, i thought it was bro code to pretend that if you farted in the bathroom you’d just wouldn’t say anything. it was so awkward. should i jokingly say “naw, it was great - thanks for that”. but thought id come off mean…so instead i said

“naw its cool”.

then i pretended to pee for a minute until he left the bathroom.

im in an hour half meeting with mexico.

time to tumble instead.

i ran out of underwear. i usually wear kyums when i run out - but he ran out too! im wearing basketball shorts as underwear and dress pants over that. feeling really professional in my meeting with mexicans. so many wedgies up in here.

few days ago i ate seafood pasta + chicken parm pasta for lunch. there were no veggies, and i thought “it’d be okay, ill probably eat a giant broccoli for dinner to even it out. nope. i ate a sunset burger and then had mcdonalds later that night.

lets just say the poop was not fun. think of squeezing a lightbulb into a sprite bottle. IT JUST DOESNT FIT

(scaled correctly)

anyways, my body was probably saying something like this

butt: what the hell, bro? hate you…c’mon man.

poop: sowwie. i wish he ate some fiber one bars.

me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

then i ate a salad for breakfast, lunch and dinner the next day. this is never happening again.

so i went into work today, in my office. just chillin in my cube, then my old boss stops by…gives me the “WHAT THE F” look, like you just saw casper or something. then i look at my clock and its 9:05am. then it hits me. how do i kill 8 hours a day for 40 more years? how many times can i go to the bathroom and pee 3 drop then go back to my desk? i just printed a document so i can go to the print room and pick it up…boom, there goes 3 mins of work time. 477 more minutes to go.

i drink 3 liters of water at the office because it allows make more bathroom trips and pee more.

gotta play words with friends when i drop a deuce too.

i can finish up a days worth of work in an hour, and then listening to kanye on spotify and gchatting can only burn up so much time.

im going to post an ad on craigslist, looking for gchat friends only from 9am to 5pm. eff u after that. just kidding. ill just see the im and ignore it =D

time to get a job i like, move to new york. watch the knicks. next summer its going down. 

time to tumble again…because lying in my bed for 6 months is getting a little boring